The silence of the house replied to my un-ladylike shout.
“SETH! You f***ing MORON!”
Cautiously I stepped in to Seth’s dark lounge. Everything was dark. When I got used to the dark, shadows of the scattered debris on the floor, along with the presence of the second hand sofa, made themselves slightly visible. Seth’s lounge was very tiny but as messy as a rubbish dump. There was only a long three setter couch, a small, broken television and a small ornament rack which had his keys, a photo of me and last night’s dinner. Seth was a slob.
I turned toward the door and searched for the light switch. I found it and switched it on but the light didn’t flicker on. Either bulb wasn’t working or he had forgotten to pay the bills. The latter seemed more possible. Sighing, I turned back to the lounge. Only then I noticed a bigger figure on the lounge. Anxiously, I crept closer. Yep, it was Seth, sleeping when he was supposed to pick me up for our date.
I found a candle and a matchbox on the table that held the keys and photos. In it’s light I saw Seth properly for the first time in the last two weeks.
Ohhh…he slept like a baby. Golden blonde hair tousled unkemptly under a handsome face that, even in sleep, showed his wild side. He was hugging the rugged cushion to himself and looked absolutely cute and at peace. The exact reason for my rage.
I put my hands on his shoulders and shook him as hard as I can.
“WAKE UP!” I shouted.
He jerked awake like someone had punched him on the face (something I barely restrained to do). Baby blue eyes widened as he saw me. For a second he looked confused. Then he sat up, grinning ear to ear.
“Hey, Shweet Shiya!” he exclaimed, removing my hands from his shoulder and standing up as I straightened up. “Why are you dressed up? Headed to a party?”
I had to clench my fists to stop it flinging toward him to beat him up.
“No”, I said, through gritted teeth. “I’m waiting…”
He looked up from trying to straighten out his very messy hair. “Waiting for what?”
That did it.
“For you to pick me up!” I screamed. I hoped the neighbours wouldn’t call the police. “For our date! This is the third time you’ve missed it! And you don’t even remember, do you?! This is the third time you’ve told me we’d go to that stupid restaurant for dinner as a treat for my birthday, which by the way was three weeks ago!” I lowered my voice and locked him in my angry gaze. “Am I something you remember when you don’t have anything else to do? Something you throw away completely when you’ve got other things to occupy yourself with? Is that what I am to you, Seth?” He looked astonished, absolutely shocked. That made me angrier. He hadn’t even expected this after all that’s happened. When people say guys are stupid, they don’t know what they mean until they meet Seth.
“Is there any point?” I finally said, when he hadn’t uttered a single word. “Saying all this to you? You’ll never change”.
I turned around to leave. My heart was breaking. I thought he loved me. I honestly thought I was a proper girlfriend he loved. Well, I was wrong wasn’t I?
Before I could move further, he caught my hand.
“Wait, I can explain”.
I turned around and lashed out again. ‘Explain? I don’t need your pathetic excuses—“
“Listen, please”, he said or whispered actually to give that dramatic atmosphere.”I was busy at work. I didn’t forget, Portia”.
I looked at him, skeptically. “Stop lying, Seth. You lost your job yesterday”.
His face fell. “Oh, you know”.
“Richard told me”.
Seth started to say something but I interrupted him. “That’s it, Seth. I’ve had enough”.
His forlorn face became intensely worried. “What do you mean?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m breaking up with you”.
“What?!” He had the nerve to look shocked. He should’ve seen this coming. “You can’t!”
“Why can’t I?” I demanded.
“But – but I love you!” He wailed desperately. “Don’t you, Shweet Shiya?” That bit came out as a whisper.
I almost fell for it. But, only almost.
“You don’t act like you love me!” I yelled. “Sometimes you forget I exist!”
“I don’t forget you, Portia”.
“Oh, yeah? Missing three dates in a row really proves you don’t, aye?” I spluttered sarcastically. “Forgetting my birthday? Kissing another girl in front of my eyes for a dare?!”
“You know I was drunk then”.
“Why did you get drunk if you were gonna do stupid things like that?!” I swear this will end with one of us bleeding to death (most probably Seth) if it doesn’t end soon. “Even little promises you make…you break them every time”.
“I’m sorry, Portia. I promise I’ll be – “
“No! No more promises”, I snapped. “We are done”.
I turned around and marched off, before he could do anything more than, say, sadly, “Portia, listen…”
But I was out. I didn’t want to listen to another word from that mouth.
However, when I got to my car, I dissolved in to tears. He had broken my heart. Again.
* * *
I sat in Starbuck, watching a drop of water twist down the glass, slow and deliberately. It was the time of the storm when the rain pattered quietly and sunshine dared to peek through heavy grey clouds. It was a depressing yet happy time of the evening. I was just depressed.
“Portia!” My best friend, Laura, ran over with a friendly hug. “Oh, Portia, you okay?!”
I shrugged and just stared up at her.
“I had enough. I ended it with him”, I said, without really feeling the impact of the words.
Laura watched me, concerned. She knew how in love I was with him. Or at least, how in love i was a few weeks ago.
“What happened?” she asked.
I put down my head on the cool table top and continued staring at the bead of water.
“He didn’t turn up to our date again. And you know, things have been bad…”
“Yeah…” She put an arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Portia…”
“Don’t be”. I took a deep breath and got up, closing down all the sadness trickling through my blood. Or at least, i tried to. “I’m not going to cry over him. Seriously…”
For a second, I felt all right, like this could actually work. Getting over Seth. I’d thought of this moment and thought of getting over him so many times in the last few weeks. The first part became reality and the second part could too. if i tried. I knew if I really tried, Seth it could really be reality.
* * *